MY 12 FAVORITE TOOLS FOR ANXIETY, DEPRESSION & STRESS
I’ve struggled with depression on and off since puberty. Anxiety and chronic stress hit me like an unexpected tsunami in my late 20’s. For too many years, I suffered silently and independently, ashamed of what I perceived as weakness and too embarrassed to ask for help. I think for a really long time, I didn’t quite understand what I was experiencing; all I knew was it was dark and heavy and overwhelming at times, and it made me feel painfully inferior. I was convinced it was my fault, I should have been stronger, more resilient, more consistent, able to overcome anything that ailed me. When shaming myself into “normalcy” didn’t work, I tried everything from avoidance to numbing to “powering through” the tough times with caffeine and mismanaged medication.
When I finally sought out help for depression, anxiety and stress, it took me a long time to embrace the fact that relief could come from beautifully simple tools and exercises. If the pain felt so hopelessly complicated, how could the salve possibly be so simple? I was so used to everything around mental health feeling so damn hard. I doubted that anything easy could make me feel better.
It was a kind, gentle, elderly gentleman of a therapist with a penchant for sound baths and Buddhism that eventually got me to open my skeptical, traditional mind to things like meditation, breath work and other forms of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. I started with brief walking meditations on my way to work, then we tried simple body scans during our therapy sessions, and eventually I added daily 5 minute meditations in the afternoon when my stress levels tended to be highest. Each time we added a new tool, I realized the addition was correlated with increased moments of awareness around my stress and anxiety, and eventually delicious little tidbits of peace and calm in my day.
Over the past 10 years, I’ve continued to add more tools and build upon the ones I find most helpful. Thanks to individual therapy, couples therapy, workshops, retreats, continuing education courses, books, podcasts and confidants, I’ve built a robust toolkit that helps me both proactively and reactively manage anxiety, depression and stress (because aren’t they all so intertwined?!) Nothing changes overnight, but together, these tools have helped me stack up more daily moments of peace, calm and joy than I ever experienced before they entered my life. They are like beautifully simple little bricks that have helped me build higher levels of consciousness, gratitude and content. I hope they do the same for you.
TREE VISUALIZATION (perfect for dealing with chaos around you or external stressors you have no control over): Close your eyes and picture yourself as a tree with roots firmly and deeply planted in the ground. You have a strong and stable trunk and a beautiful crown of branches thick with green leaves. Because your roots run deep and your trunk is strong, you can handle any weather that comes your way. Lightening and thunder, rain and snow, wind and sleet, they move through your branches without knocking you down. Like everything inside and outside of you, they pass. Your leaves may shake and the branches might sway, but you stand strong and resilient where you are, because you are a big beautiful tree with roots firmly and deeply planted in the ground.
ENERGY RELEASING BREATH WORK (great for when you feel weighed down by the energy of a stressful situation, the past or other people): Close your eyes and take a normal breath. Next, take a nice long, slow, deep breath and imagine creating space in your chest cavity and belly. Now exhale with pursed lips, imagining you are pushing every last bit of air out of your body. Feel your diaphragm rising and forcing the air out. Picture the stress and energy that no longer serves you flowing out with the exhaled breath. Repeat 3-5 times.
WHY SHOW UP LIST (useful with depression, overwhelm or anxiety that prevents you from springing out of bed in the morning): Write down five reasons why you want to get out of bed and show up in the world each day. What motivates you, brings you joy and gets you excited about life? Keep this list on a post it note right next to your bed so you can see it before indefinitely hitting snooze or burying yourself in down instead of facing the day. If your alarm is on your phone, keep the list in your notes and peek at it as soon as your alarm goes off. Don’t know what to write? I’ll share mine! I wake up to:
Show up as a loving, supportive, kind, compassionate person for the people I love, and for myself
Help people through my coaching, speaking, writing and community work
Welcome adventure, growth, learning and expansion and make the most of the life I’ve been given
Create a happy, healthy, joy-filled home with my husband
Have a little extra time in the day to nourish, ground and connect to myself and my intentions
VISUALIZATION VACATION (really helpful for those that struggle with mental and physical health in any way): Close your eyes and imagine what it is like to be mentally and physically healthy and happy. How do you feel in your body? How do you feel in the world? How do you spend your time and energy? What does your day look like? Spend about 5 minutes picturing being well in as much detail as possible. I do this on my morning walk and in the shower each evening and it always leaves a big smile on my face!
GROUNDING IN NATURE (wonderful for anxiety and chronic stress): Head outside for a few minutes in your backyard with your shoes off, or go for a walk if that’s possible. Close your eyes and feel the ground under your feet. Focus on the sensation of your toes in the grass/dirt or your heels and toes planting on the earth as you walk. Take a few deep breaths as you enjoy the feeling of being firmly rooted to the ground. After that, pay attention to the sights and sounds and smells all around you, even for just a few minutes.
THE 5-4-3-2-1 (fantastic for anxiety or palpable spikes in stress throughout the day): This exercise can be done anywhere, anytime you need to shift your brain out of fight or flight mode. If you’re feeling panicky, anxious or overwhelmed, this is a fool proof fix.
Name 5 things you can see (ex: green chair, red shoes, fuzzy dog)
Name 4 things you can hear (ex: rain falling, husband talking too loud on a conference call)
Name 3 things you can feel (ex: my shirt on my skin; wind blowing on my face)
Name 2 things you can smell (ex: blooming flowers, baking bread)
Name 1 thing you’re grateful for (ex: my kind-hearted husband)
BODY SCANS (a very calming, grounding tool for anxiety or stress): Sit down in a chair with your feet flat on the ground and close your eyes. Scan your attention from head to toe, checking in with your body one area at a time. What’s happening behind your eyes, in your ears, your throat, your shoulders, your chest? How does your belly feel? How about your back, legs and feet? Wiggle or shrug your way from head to toe if it helps increase awareness. Stick with non-judgmental observation and take deep, cleansing breaths along the way.
MEDITATION (a remarkable tool for self awareness, anxiety, depression and overall mindset): I use Headspace to meditate using the guided meditation packs 1-2 times each day. I highly recommend using an app like Headspace, Insight Timer or Calm for those new to meditation.
CERTAINTY LIST (the perfect activity when overcome with anxiety around change or uncertainty): Make a list of every little thing that is certain in your life. Include all the big and little things you can count on happening each day, all the people you know will be there, everything you know to be true. Start with things you can count on from the moment you open your eyes, like the sun rising, a cozy bed and a roof over your head. Work your way through the day and list out things in your home, work, relationships, environment, nature that you know you can count on. You’ll soon realize there are many stable, dependable things we can take comfort in even in times of transition or chaos!
THERAPY (an invaluable tool for anyone on a journey to improve wellbeing and a necessity for anyone struggling with mental or chronic illness): I don’t know who or where I would be without individual and couples therapy. Having a trained, supportive, objective outsider help identify harmful behavioral and thought patterns, as well as areas for growth and healing has been beyond transformative for me.
TRACKING TRENDS (helpful with depression, anxiety stress and anything else that is impacting your mental or physical health): Take 2 minutes at the end of each day to jot down how you are feeling mentally and physically and highlight anything notable in your day. To keep it brief and simple (and therefore sustainable), simply create three categories in a journal or notebook (mental state, physical health, what happened today?). Over time you’ll start to notice patterns and correlations that will allow you to identify what’s having the biggest negative impact on your mental health. Knowledge is truly power when it comes to being an effective advocate for your health and happiness.
GRATITUDE LISTS (a fool proof way to shift from stressed to grateful): Chronic stress and illness of any kind can feel like they’ve cast a dark cloud over everything. Take 10 minutes out of your day to make a list of anything you can think of that you have to be grateful for. It’s an incredibly cathartic and effective way to step out of that darker narrative and see the silver linings, even if just for 10 minutes.